You’ve Got the Whole Weight of the World on Your Shoulders (Or Do You?)

We wear many roles that seem to carry a very heavy burden. To name a few—parent of adult children, boss, friend or spouse of someone who can’t seem to get by without us. It feels like such a heavy responsibility sometimes to be in the roles in which we feel like we are pretty indispensable. Were it not for us, the ‘other’ would be in bad shape!

But is this really true? How can we know for sure? What would happen if instead of bearing the full responsibility for a favorable outcome in a situation, we assumed the role of ‘coach’ or support, rather than indispensable leader? Sometimes, the other person will ‘fail,’ in the sense that a less favorable outcome occurs. On the other hand, this might be a learning experience for the person, something from which they can learn to make a course correction the next time. I was observing a child recently in my neighborhood who was riding a two-wheeler with training wheels attached for the very first time. And she seemed terrified every time the bike would tilt to one side or the other before the training wheel contacted the ground. She insisted her parent hold her steady. But how could she ever hope to learn unless she experienced what it was like to tilt? How could she develop that muscle memory of what it’s like to keep oneself upright?

Ultimately, we are not responsible for the choices people make. We can set the table with friendliness, compassion—even love—but it’s up to the other person to decide to eat. Our actions are our only true belongings. We cannot escape the consequences of our actions. Our actions are the things upon which we truly stand. But we can’t be responsible for the actions of others.