Change Is Possible

I’ve been thinking a lot about my work as a psychotherapist, the many approaches that promise relief from suffering, answers to questions we all have about how to feel better in some way, how to be free from the past, how to create the life we want. Whether the focus is on an individual, couple, or family, there is always a dance between the new and the old, the desired and the known. I’m often struck by how difficult it is for most of us to tolerate the unknown - a kind of uncertainty that often triggers a reflexive kind of fear - and how that makes change difficult. We become attached to our stories about ourselves and other people, not because we like them, but because we know them and it’s easier to navigate what we know than what we don’t. This isn’t a new idea or a brilliant insight, but it is important to acknowledge, particularly when we’re having difficulty healing old wounds and feeling stuck in variations of the same old patterns and conversations with ourselves and others. At its best, no matter what the “brand” of therapy, the work of therapy offers a safe place to reconsider the known and try out new possibilities. It’s hard to change the dance without also changing the music. Good therapists know how to dance with you, to meet you exactly where you’re at, then gently help you consider new music and new steps. It’s not that you won’t be tempted to go back to the old dance; the known is compelling, especially when we are under stress. But you CAN learn new steps. There IS a whole lot of new music to be sampled and enjoyed besides what you’ve known. Eventually, with practice, you find that even when you try the old dance steps and play the old music, you can bring something new to it. —Amanda